secret (scarlet_tanager) wrote in loveandacademia,
secret
scarlet_tanager
loveandacademia

had a "thing" with someone in the dept - now it's over and things are difficult!!!


backstory:

i am a masters student in my second year. he is a phd student who started this past fall. quite a few of us in the department hang out a lot and he is very social and started coming to and organizing group get togethers. he made a lot of friends quickly, including me.

we became friends with one another, and by and by he really made it seem like he wanted a relationship with me - flirting with me a lot, sending me good luck emails before an exam, making it a point to come up to my lab or hang out with me when he could, calling me a lot...we ended up making out a few times and going out on some dates and got to the point where we would kiss goodbye just about every time we parted ways.

it was A LOT like a relationship.

well, after thanksgiving, he kind of disappeared, got really busy (he bought a house around then), i stopped seeing him very much...it kind of sucks. i was actually starting to wonder if he was avoiding me. he was still nice to me when we saw each other though.

before winter break, we were at a party together. i got really, really drunk and told him how i felt about him. he told me that he doesn't do relationships. to me, this really came out of nowhere. he had a lot of opportunities to state this fact to me. i feel like it was kind of a cop out, but whatever. i told him that i didn't want this to affect our friendship or for things to be awkward between us and he said i was getting worked up over nothing, that nothing would change and everything would be fine.

i was really dejected after that. we did see each other a few times before and after christmas, and he was pretty nice and civil to me those times.

but NOW the semester has started again. i really feel like he is avoiding every situation where i might be (i.e. a bunch of us usually gather at a local place for food and drinks after work on friday and he has been skipping out on that). he barely talks to me, and i feel like when he does talk to me, it's just to save face. i really feel like he wants nothing to do with me, and this really bothers me because i really considered him to be a very good friend...someone i had a lot in common with, and now our friendship is pretty much non-existent. so i don't know how to deal with that.

the other problem:

it's really difficult because we are in the same department, same journal club, same seminar course. we see each other regularly at various functions (if he decides to show up at them). i try to be civil and friendly with him (and everyone else), but i feel like he goes out of his way to NOT talk to me. it's hard enough to have lost my friend, but to have to deal with someone in a professional environment who acts like he doesn't like me is REALLY difficult!!!

he did invite me and several other people to a superbowl party at his place, but i get the feeling that the only reason he included me on the email is to be polite. i told him that i might stop by, but now i'm having second thoughts because i get the feeling that he doesn't really want me there. ugh. why does this crap have to be so complicated? it sucks because it's starting to affect me work-wise. i've been kind of depressed lately and having a hard time focusing, and i think that all of this drama is at least one of the triggers.

so if nothing else, i guess i learned a valuable lesson about possible unfortunate outcomes of dating within the department.

but if anyone has any advice (about what to do about the situation with the guy, or how i should behave in the professional environment, or anything else), i would REALLY appreciate it!

thanks for reading my long entry. :)
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